Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $65, you get one WhiteIce teeth-whitening stick from Blanc Cosmetics (a $129.99 value).

WhiteIce teeth-whitening sticks keep choppers pristine with hand-held whitening technology, decreasing the need for costly office-based whitening treatments. Utilizing microencapsulation, WhiteIce restores coffee- and sarcasm-stained teeth to a more natural shine. After customers use the lipstick-style applicator to smear a thin film on both upper and lower teeth, WhiteIce immediately begins to penetrate deep into tooth enamel, naturally dissolving with saliva and leaving a smile that only dental hygienists can aspire to. Two weeks of daily use is capable of yielding teeth that are four–seven shades whiter. One stick of WhiteIce should last a user about 30 days, depending on the individual's rate of use and number of walrus friends sharing the applicator.