What You'll Get
After unsuccessful careers blasting away asteroids and trying to seduce James Bond, lasers decided to pursue a career in medicine. Turn over a new leaf with today's Groupon: for $749, you get six LipoLaser treatments at Body by Zerona (a $1,500 value) in Crescent Springs.
Body by Zerona's advanced laser treatments help melt away inches and contour the body’s uneven terrain. Using the FDA–approved Zerona LipoLaser, the noninvasive procedure targets fatty cells beneath the skin without causing tissue damage, allowing customers to immediately resume regular activities of dressing baby dolls to look like the Marx Brothers. During the 40-minute session, clients recline as a seasoned technician guides the blubber-burning laser over the body's core, covering a 20- to 24-inch area. The disintegrated fatty depots are then absorbed by the lymphatic system, where they're expelled through a natural detoxing process and banished to a small island off the River Dvina.
Each session is followed by a hydromassage to help bodies flush out extra pounds. All customers also receive a pretreatment consultation, computerized body scans to assess nutrient needs, and supplements for optimal results. Customers can lose up to 7 inches with six treatments, free of the demands of strict diets, strenuous exercise, and stealing the souls of skinny people through handshakes. Twelve sessions are recommended to lose even more inches.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Sep 5, 2011. Amount paid never expires. Limit 2/person, may buy 2 addl as gifts. Limit 1/visit. By appt only; subject to availability. Must activate by 9/5, sessions expire 2 weeks from activation date. Must be 18 or older. Required pre-treatment consultation included. May redeem across visits. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.
About Body by Zerona
Body by Zerona's staff has performed more than 15,000 successful Zerona procedures, helping clients achieve their ideal figures with the FDA-approved technology. The device’s noninvasive lasers disrupt fat cells’ membranes, causing them to release their contents and shrink. This can result in 3.5 or more lost inches.