Like ripened fruits, people with healthy-colored skin tend to spend less time loitering in orchards and are more likely to get picked up at the grocery store. Catch the eye of passing orangutans with today’s Groupon: for $19, you get a custom airbrush tanning session from Marcie Lutzke at Bronzed Bottom Custom Tanning (a $39 value). Today’s deal also includes 15% off tanning lotion and swimwear.
Marcie Lutzke, who founded Bronzed Bottom in 2008, is a skin-cancer survivor and an NTTI-trained sunless tanner dedicated to using all-natural solutions. The solar-simulating process begins with the application of a blend of exotic aloes, which aid in increasing the length of the tan and repelling supernovas. Customers choose from various solutions of alcohol-free bronzing agents in order to discover a shade that matches their skin type. Finally, bodies bask in the breeze of an air dryer, with tans expected to pack a fully developed pigment punch within 12 hours. Deep-toned patrons can also roam the retail store, where they receive 15% off selections of body-care lotions and swimwear, including the scrunch-butt bikini, a beach-going ensemble designed to flatter curves and help its wearer look as sexy as possible when filling out tax forms near the local watering hole.