The vertebral column consists of four separate regions, all of which are secretly conspiring to invade and overthrow the others, to painful effect. Put an end to civil back wars with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a deep-tissue massage, chiropractic exam, and x-rays at Byers Chiropractic & Massage (up to $220 value).

Paul Byers, D.C., has been practicing the chiropractic healing arts since 1996, with prior massage therapy practice dating back to 1987. A visit to his office promises to align the misaligned, investigate the source of mystery twinges, and set the spine on a journey towards serenity. During your optional complete chiropractic assessment, he will ask questions, conduct a physical exam, watch cartoons, employ the mysterious powers of the x-ray machine to diagnose your body's aches and pains, and set about mapping a treatment course. Following the exam, you'll get a 60-minute deep-tissue massage from an experienced on-staff therapist to delve into the brambly and knotted depths with targeted pressure to knead out tightness and chronic pain, increase blood flow, restore joint mobility, and help aid postural and social dysfunctions.

Your spine is a valuable body part, one that keeps you propped upright all day, acts as evidence of your moral make-up, and keeps your back muscles from sliding off and landing on the dirty floor. Ensure the future function of this best of all possible body parts, or gift this Groupon to a break-dancer bent out of shape after years on the circuit.