Though Atlas is celebrated for holding the world on his shoulders, few realize that if it weren’t for chronic neck and back pain he would actually be able to make a slam-dunk. Find relief of mythical proportions with today’s Groupon: for $29, you get a three-stage decompression-therapy treatment at Canadian Decompression and Pain Centers (a $442.50 value). The treatment includes the following:
- Pretreatment consultation and analysis
- Three decompression treatments
Canadian Decompression and Pain Centers’ adept healthcare teams overhaul spines to relieve chronic neck and back pain using an array of mutlidisciplinary treatments. Therapists guide ailing clients through three 20-minute sessions in three-stage neuro-decompression therapy, with exact procedures varying according to each patient’s condition. A thorough consultation precedes treatment to examine the patient’s ailment, gait, posture, and any spinal manipulation caused by trying to sneak onto roller coasters at a young age. During phase one, clients recline on a spinal decompression table, which gently pulls on problem joints between spinal segments while monitored by a biofeedback computer. During phase two, which applies only to some, patients inhale up to 92 per cent pure oxygen during the decompression session to further ease muscle stiffness and potentially boost immune-system function. Both stages aim to increase blood flow as they grant suffocated spinal discs access to damage-repairing nutrients, much like granting plumbers access to koopa-removing fireballs. Each session aims to provide relief from conditions such as herniated discs, pinched nerves, sciatica, fibromyalgia, and degenerative disc disease, as well as injuries caused by rush-hour commutes done via somersault.