A strong man wrestles you to the ground to show off; a strong woman boosts your self-esteem and then accidentally breaks three of your ribs with a supportive hug. Learn the tenets of both strength and community with today's militantly muscled Groupon: for $29, new customers get one month of unlimited boot camp (a $249 value) at CedarFIT on Jefferson Street, north of Paseo del Norte. Many classes are offered every week, with some starting as early as 5:30 a.m., giving you ample opportunity to unzip that lard coat and revel in your nakedly lean splendor.
CedarFIT's trainers, Cedar McCrary and John White, will teach you to find and grow the strong, hard tree within you. Once overweight, McCrary successfully demolished 75 pounds of her own flab and now disseminates her fast, potent method to all who flock to her training center—regardless of age, physical condition, or species. Each day, McCrary will throw down a fresh guerrilla-ambush worth of challenges for your muscles and your brain, fueling constant gains and keeping you engaged. Over the course of a CedarFIT boot-camp session, you'll do strength, cardio, flexibility circuit workouts, and more. As a result, your mind will sharpen, your stress will dissipate, and your metabolism will speed up to the point that it burns calories even at rest and causes nearby newspapers to burst into flames.
In the heat of your workouts, prepare to sweat out weakness, fear, and monosodium glutamate while gaining the unsurpassed functional strength of a body in fluid, powerful motion. At the end of your boot camp, you'll be so ripped and ripply, the ocean will want to surf you. Earn the power to clear your yard of stray boulders and pesky cacti using your bare hands with today's Groupon to CedarFIT.