Contrary to popular opinion, dinosaurs perished not because of space debris but because of their inability to read imperative water-toxicity reports in a timely fashion. Avoid extinction by properly educating yourself with today’s Groupon: for $55, you get a one-day speed-reading workshop at the Center for Lifelong Learning (a $254 value).

Through extensive research Jackie Alan Giuliano, PhD, and his team at the Center for Lifelong Learning have cultivated a workshop designed to boost the amount of words students read every minute and increase retained knowledge through revisiting the way the brain processes reading. The one-day workshops introduce successful techniques that stimulate the brain’s reading abilities and ready readers for the turbo-charged skills to devour two–six books, articles, and reports in the time it used to take to read one book or three cookie fortunes. The Center for Lifelong Learning’s pedagogues of word digestion also impart a system for taking notes that can help brains quickly recall what they learned about brains or where to locate the letter-tasting apparatus in the prefrontal lobe. Meandering minds can bask happily in the results by reducing War and Peace to a mere short story and decreasing the dictionary to a random free-verse poem of alphabetized mental lightning flashes. See the schedule to plan your workshop time.