All reviews are from people who have redeemed deals with this merchant.
Reviewed November 6, 2011
Reviewed November 7, 2014
Reviewed October 2, 2014
What You'll Get
Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside of them. Enhance your flesh fortress with today’s Groupon to Central Valley Laser Center in Fairfield. Choose between the following options:
- For $149, you get two LipoLaser sessions (a $666 value).
- For $149, you get three laser-pain-management sessions (a $300 value).
Central Valley Laser Center's certified technicians reduce patients' fat stores by bathing skin with the noninvasive cold light of a [Lapex BCS LipoLaser](http://www.mylapex.com/Lapex-BCS). During each 30–40-minute treatment, a LipoLaser spurs greedy cells to release their grip on water, glycerol, free fatty acids, and amoebic cracker-jack prizes, resulting in a diminishment of their size. During a standard waistline session, the beams can liquefy up to 40–60 grams of fat, which are then processed by the body's natural systems. Treatments may also diminish the appearance of cellulite and stretch marks. Although a single session can yield measurable results, standard protocol consists of three sessions across three weeks, much like the normal regimen for memorizing the Gettysburg Address in Pig Latin. A harmonizing combination of continuous and pulsed laser emissions washes over aching bodies during deep-tissue laser-therapy sessions, which may reduce both inflammation and pain in any given throbbing zone. Causing no greater sensation than a feeling of warmth, the soothing treatments may help combat both acute and chronic conditions, such as musculoskeletal pain, migraine headaches, carpal tunnel, and Galactic Marines' tender spots from malicious laser blasts. The 10-minute sessions may produce immediate results, but are generally cumulative, often requiring 2–4 sessions to be fully realized.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Jan 1, 2012. Amount paid never expires. Limit 2/person, may buy 2 addl as gifts. Limit 1/visit. Valid only for option purchased. 24hr cancellation notice or fee up to Groupon price may apply. Must be 18 or older. Not valid for pregnant or nursing women, cancer patients, those with pacemakers or implanted medical devices, or epileptics. Treatments are non-transferable. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.
About Central Valley Laser Center
The laser technicians at Central Valley Laser Center help slenderize patients with the Lipo-Light laser. During the headlining treatment, patients don light- and heat-emitting pads on problem areas. The laser prompts the fat cells to release their contents for later removal through the lymphatic system—a process that can be expedited through light exercise or speed walking away from the center’s pet grizzly bear. In addition to contouring physiques, the treatment can help diminish the appearance of cellulite.