While a horse's teeth tell a trained eye everything about the animal, a human's teeth refuse to tell dentists anything without a lawyer present. Get to the root of the matter with today's Groupon to City Smiles. Choose from the following three options:

• For $79, you get a new-patient appointment, which includes a comprehensive exam, x-rays, teeth cleaning, and take-home teeth-whitening kit (a $553 value).
• For $79, you get an Invisalign or Six Month Smiles orthodontic preview, including an exam, diagnostic photographs, x-rays, impressions, and consultation (a $623 value).
• For $79, you get a Veneer smile preview on a minimum of four teeth, which includes an exam, diagnostic photographs, x-rays, and a mockup of your results (a $657 value).

Dr. Christopher Hill practices the full range of general and aesthetic dentistry at City Smiles, supplementing his years of experience by continually pursuing education in advanced cosmetic dentistry. For patients in need of a checkup and dental scouring, the new-client exam provides a full-mouth inspection, checking each individual tooth for chips, cracks, or corrupt business deals with the taste buds. The full x-rays pry into the alveolar secrets further, exposing any cavities or problems plaguing the tooth roots. A cleaning purges gum rocks of detritus, scouring away plaque, tartar, dental calculus, and gum algebra. Clients depart with a take-home whitening kit, including trays and gels, that keeps teeth looking as healthy as the day they were implanted by the robots.

Invisalign or Six Month Smiles previews give patients a glimpse into the straight-toothed future. After the initial exam, Dr. Hill applies an array of diagnostic tools to the teeth in question, including photographs, x-rays, and impressions of the bite. After the analyzation is complete, customers get a preview of the recommended treatment and a consultation about the benefits of each system. Patients who elect for the procedure will receive an $800 credit toward the subsequent orthodontic treatment.

Clients opting for the Veneer smile preview will receive similar service, as Dr. Hill assesses at least four mouth-marbles for possible enhancement with porcelain veneers. Misshapen, discolored, and unevenly spaced teeth may benefit from the procedure, which applies a thin laminate to the teeth, designed to feel natural while emitting a supernatural glow. Customers who choose to apply veneers to six or more teeth will get a $1,000 discount on the service.