Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $149, you get an in-office Zoom! whitening treatment with take-home maintenance trays at Clairmont Cosmetic & Family Dentistry (a $300 value).

Helmed by a duo of dutiful dental excavators, Clairmont Cosmetic & Family Dentistry refurbishes mouth planks with cosmetic Zoom! teeth-whitening treatments that lighten chompers 6–10 shades. A skilled technician begins each in-office procedure by isolating lips and gums to solitary confinement before massaging smile accessories with a whitening gel that is activated under the brightening beans of the Zoom! light, penetrating the dingy dentile surface to break down stains over four separate 15-minute durations. Once teeth morph into a purer likeness of their former selves, they'll bask in a fluoride bath before a skilled technician takes mouth impressions to mold vinyl take-home trays designed to help maintain moonbeam-esque smiles. Clients then wear these customized trays stuffed with carbamide-peroxide gel overnight for up to four weeks to continuously rid enamel surfaces of discoloration spawned from drinking coffee or squid ink. Higher gel strengths have a greater likelihood of increasing tooth sensitivity, so be sure to consult the staff prior to treatment.