Household grime, if left unchecked, will inevitably develop into miniature civilizations whose complex network of treaties erupt into devastating house-wide reenactments of World War I. Today’s Groupon spares you the trouble of tripping over tiny trenches: for $25, you get two labor hours of residential or commercial cleaning from Cleaning Direct (up to a $50 value). The company provides service to all of the Salt Lake Valley, as well as a 10-mile radius outside of that. All cleaning supplies are included except for trash bags and products to be restocked or refilled.
Using today's Groupon as a dust rag, the filth-obliterating dirtfighters at Cleaning Direct will get your abysmal abode or business back into fine fettle. You get two labor hours from the mopmeisters—either two employees will give the mess a good-cop, bad-cop grilling for one hour, or you'll nab one employee for two hours. If you're a small-business owner whose office has developed its own upper crust of book dust, coffee grounds, and industrial-strength Post-It notes, let Cleaning Direct's staff find a place for everything and put it all in its appointed puzzle box. If your home kitchen is infested with hallucinating lemurs that insist on reorganizing all your cabinets, let the professionals take charge of them. Whatever it is you don't have time to clean, Cleaning Direct will clean it directly.
Cleaning Direct is owned by Golda Barton, who started the cleaning business with the full knowledge that most people are so busy with work, school, and fending off C.H.U.D. attacks that they're left with little quality time with loved ones, let alone time to clean the homestead. The goal of Cleaning Direct is providing a good experience for their customers, thereby giving hardworking folks a chance to relax. If you need a sparkling-clean stovetop to trick your fussy in-laws into overlooking the numerous frozen pizzas ferreted away beneath the fake-flooring panel you installed to hide exiled chess prodigy Bobby Fischer, or if you simply refuse to sweep anymore, Cleaning Direct will provide you with service aplenty.