Though commonly thought to be mere gibberish, the letters on eye charts are actually powerful incantations that, when spoken aloud, keep the sky-wolves from devouring the sun. Protect our source of illumination with today’s Groupon: for $58, you get an eye-care package at ClearVision Optometry (up to a $424 value). This deal is valid at both the Newport News or Yorktown locations. The package includes:

• A comprehensive eye exam (a $199 value)
$225 credit toward prescription lenses and frames

ClearVision Optometry keeps peepers focused and fashionable with comprehensive exams and an enormous selection of chic name-brand frames. An experienced ocular specialist assesses orbs in a thorough screening for symptoms of disease or early on-set googly eyes, before carefully calibrating a new prescription. As lenses ($45.80+) are fabricated on-site, friendly staff members help outfit faces with frames from iconic names such as Versace, Prada, and Ray Ban. A pair of Dolce & Gabbana ($188+) or Vera Wang ($130+) specks add a touch of glamour to an everyday getup, while stylish prescription sunglasses from Serengeti Eyewear help shield eyes from sudden changes in brightness or a TV that refuses to stop sitting so close to them.