What You'll Get
Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Revamp your skin suit with today’s Groupon to College Parkway Health Center. Choose between the following options:
- For $199, you get an initial consultation (a $149 value) and one laser fat-reduction treatment (a $500 value) (a $649 total value).
- For $529, you get an initial consultation (a $149 value) and three laser fat-reduction treatments ($1,500 value) (a $1,649 total value).<p>
Led by Dr. Bob Ziegenfuss, College Parkway Health Center’s staff finesses silhouettes with cold laser fat-reduction treatments. During the initial consultation, each patient shares his or her medical history with the staff to help determine their eligibility for treatment and which color of laser will best match their eyes. Then, heat-free lasers slink painlessly beneath skin surfaces to punch temporary holes in the membranes of fat cells. Much like water balloons that just lost a chess game, the perforated cells deflate, releasing liquefied fat into corporal ductwork. As the body’s natural processes eliminate the fluids, skin can start to appear smoother, an effect that can be amplified by the nutrient supplements and dermatology-themed pickup lines provided by staff.
THE PATIENT AND ANY OTHER PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYMENT HAS A RIGHT TO REFUSE TO PAY, CANCEL PAYMENT, OR BE REIMBURSED FOR PAYMENT FOR ANY OTHER SERVICE, EXAMINATION, OR TREATMENT THAT IS PERFORMED AS A RESULT OF AND WITHIN 72 HOURS OF RESPONDING TO THE ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE FREE, DISCOUNTED FEE, OR REDUCED FEE SERVICE, EXAMINATION, OR TREATMENT.
The Fine Print
Expiration varies. Amount paid never expires. Limit 3 per person, may buy multiple as gifts for 1 treatment option. Limit 2 per person for 3 treatment option. Limit 1 per visit. Valid only for option purchased. 24hr cancellation notice required. Must be 18 or older or have consent of guardian. May redeem across visits. Important patient disclosure. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.
About College Parkway Health Center
Experienced chiropractor Dr. Bob Ziegenfuss and his team aim their sights at underlying problems, and never just the symptoms of pain, inflammation, or excess weight. Among the Health Center's slate of services, digital motion x-rays detect deep ligament injuries, lasers plunge deep into tissue to pierce fat cells or assuage chronic pain, and vibration therapy boosts circulation while dispelling side effects of mechanical-bull addiction.