A perfectly white smile determines how others perceive you by shining brightly enough to blind them to your second head and compound eyes. Let dazzling teeth disguise the effects of your mad-science hobby with today’s Groupon to Comfort Dental Care & Orthodontics on Crosspointe Drive. Choose between two options:

• For $59, you get an exam, cleaning, and dental x-rays (up to a $285 total value).
• For $89, you get a Zoom! teeth-whitening system (a $595 value).

Comfort Dental Care & Orthodontics, led by general and cosmetic dental specialists Dr. Simon Amini and Dr. Alan Farrugia, guides patients down paths of proper care for mouths, gums, and the enameled cubes that call them home. An exam serves as a preventative check up, where a doctor thoroughly searches mouths for decay, gum health, existing restorations, and evidence of infidelity from cohabitating teeth. Dental interrogations are followed by tartar and plaque removal, along with a teeth polishing that makes them sparkle like a car made out of blank CD-Rs. A set of diagnostic x-rays can reveal a hidden dearth of secrets lurking below, such as abscesses, bone loss, or root-related issues.

The Zoom! teeth-whitening system is a non-invasive process that allows patients to whiten smilers on their own time. A preliminary visit allows the staff to take an impression of teeth, which will be used to forge a fitted tray and decorate the office refrigerator. During a second appointment, the trays are fitted and taken home, worn either twice a day for 30 minutes or overnight for a couple of weeks depending on hue dreams. While whitening temporarily increases sensitivity, teeth are rarely found crying.