If your shady parking spot rests beneath bird-filled trees or someone has scrawled carpetbagger into the layer of grime on your car window, Complete Auto Wash and Wax can give your vehicle its original off-the-lot shine. With today's Groupon, $50 will get you three complete interior and exterior washes (a $15 value each) and one wash and wax (normally $65), for a $110 combined value. Buy multiple Groupons for perpetual shine and a better sense of humor. This deal isn't just great for sprucing up your own car: it also makes the perfect passive-aggressive gift for your dirty carpool driver.
When you let your car go without cleaning, there comes a point when the value of your vehicle depreciates. Known as Marshall's Fulcrum, it is the exact moment that the effort of cleaning out McGriddle wrappers outweighs the cost of purchasing a new car. Today's deal protects your investment and helps you make a good impression on police officers when your taillight goes out. Complete Auto's services are done by hand to protect your vehicle's finish and to get deep into the nooks and crannies of your console and door jams. The staff will vacuum up your stale french fries and restore your windows' candid transparency.
Most people wait until their car develops its own ecosystem before deciding it's time to clean. Let the friendly Complete Auto staff, with their years of detailing experience and knowledge of the latest techniques, wade into the mess to give your car a better cleaning job than you could give it.
Though most Complete Auto Wash and Wax customers are content to drive through fancy neighborhoods with their windows rolled down and their cars gleaming in the sun, a lone Yelper drove home to give the car wash five stars:
- I was completely blown away by their helpful staff and exceptional quality of work...very nice and courteous guys who really do put the customer first...a job well done. – Ann Y.
Beyond Wash Me
If some young rapscallion in possession of a finger violated your precious windshield grime by tracing within it the tired trope wash me, well then, good sir or madam, the joke is on them. There are a number of far more sophisticated slanders to scrawl in scum, such as:
- “Your purchase of this hybrid luxury SUV pays laughable lip-service to notions of long-term environmental sustainability.”
- “The DVDs on the back seat of your car indicate a poor awareness of how DVDs are cared for, as well as questionable taste in cinema. Madagascar 2, truly? Even if the intended recipient is a child (or children), surely they would be better served and delighted by the depth and richness of Cocteau’s 1946 masterpiece, La Belle et la Bête, or the surreal and challenging animation of La Planète Sauvage, both available from the Criterion Collection. For more suggestions, please e-mail me at [your email address].”
- “You drive like a Royalist might have, should the American Revolution have occurred in the age of automobiles…backwards!” (Note: Ellipses are thumbprints.)
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