Hair is like detailed knowledge of X-Files plotlines—while extremely useful, revealing too much of it in the wrong place can sink your social life. Today's Groupon abducts rogue hairs with technology invented by a shadowy group of elites known only as the Syndicate: for $99, you get three laser hair-removal treatments on the body area of your choice, including lip, chin, underarms, or bikini line, at Cutler Eye & Skin Center (up to a $600 value), redeemable at either of their locations in Gloucester and Woburn. Although it is not required for all three treatments to be completed on the same area, it is encouraged for best results.

Dr. Cutler's friendly staff of hair hunters methodically navigates body maps, using highly focused lasers to gently whisk away fields of unwanted foliage. Cutler's advanced laser machine produces light rays that infiltrate dark-pigmented hairs and destroy them at the follicle, preventing growth for up to two years. Avoid accusations of smuggling Peruvian night-monkeys through customs by removing underarm hair (a $175 value for both underarms) or reduce over-accessorized lips and chins for a smooth, blank face-canvas (a $100 value each). Standard bikini-line treatments leave sleeker surfaces for beach or pool expeditions (a $200 value). During laser hair-removal treatments, clients may feel a slight sting, comparable to being snapped by a rubber band or slapped by a rejected butterfly.