Ever since humans evolved necks, they have craned them to look at the stars, making astronomy the oldest profession and chiropractic the second oldest. Align yourself for continued constellation-scoping with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a chiropractic package at Davis Chiropractic Wellness Center in Montclair (a $360 total value). Taking place during two or three appointments, the package includes:

• 60-minute therapeutic massage (a $140 value)
• Examination with x-rays (an $80 value)
• Two ProAdjuster or manual chiropractic adjustments (a $140 value)

The talented doctors at Davis Chiropractic Wellness Center draw on 30 years of experience and an arsenal of osteopathic therapies to coax bodies out of skeletal slumps, including manual or technology-aided adjustments. The two- to three-visit package jump-starts alignment revivals with the patient's choice of a therapeutic massage or an examination with x-rays capped off with a chiropractic adjustment, though both may be scheduled on the same day if availability allows. Patients will then return for another round of adjustments. During exams, corporeal conjunctions pose for stunning black-and-white x-ray portraits then surrender their subcutaneous secrets as the posture professionals scan nerves, examine feet, and assess each joint’s reflexive response to bending, turning, and state-capital pop quizzes. The 60-minute therapeutic massage aims to deftly tune up sluggish circulatory and immune systems and transform tense flesh into supple sinewscapes.

Consecutive chiropractic adjustments tickle spines with a choice of manual or computerized stimuli performed by the doctor's own phalanges or the gentle machinations of the ProAdjuster system. This NASA-inspired device eschews sudden movements and instead regales cranky bones with gentle oscillations that measure precise levels of vertebral fluidity and correct misalignments with nary a back snap, crackle, pop, or Captain Crunch. Before meeting their upright destiny, patients can download intake forms and pore over Davis Chiropractic Wellness Center’s wealth of online health information.