Shattering all scientific understanding, it’s been determined that the knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone, and they’re all connected to Kevin Bacon. Keep bones straight with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a half-hour massage, a chiropractic examination, and an adjustment that includes electrotherapy and cold laser therapy at DeAlmeida Chiropractic & Rehab in East Providence (a $226 value).

Dr. Pedro DeAlmeida dedicates himself to translating spine health into whole-body well-being. Backbone believers who roll themselves into DeAlmeida Chiropractic & Rehab for a thorough exam of their weary vertebrae (a $75 value) can receive treatment that will help relieve back, leg, and arm pain; increase ease and range of motion; healthify joints; and improve balance. A 30-minute soft-tissue massage (a $60 value) increases blood flow, unknots muscle tissue, and kindly asks inflammatory chemicals to wash their mouths out and find the exit.

Once trouble areas have been identified, the chiropractic adjustment (a $46 value) helps joints move easier, sending beloved endorphins to the pressure point and fading tragic limbo-stick factory accidents into the distance. An electrotherapy treatment (a $25 value) and its Arctic-dwelling cousin, cold laser therapy (a $20 value), are also included in the deal, and both treatments encourage muscles to rejuvenate themselves after rough workouts or intense urban animal attacks.