Statistically, home is the place you're most likely to fall asleep under a running lawn mower or spontaneously combust while trying to slow dance with a running lawn mower. Find a safe haven with today's Groupon: for $89, you get a one-night stay in a standard or deluxe cabin for up to two people (up to a $169 value) at the Delta Queen Hotel, moored at Coolidge Park Landing.
Inducted into the National Maritime Hall of Fame in 2003, the Delta Queen Hotel is a steamboat and historic landmark permanently moored on the Tennessee River. The Delta Queen's accommodations allow landlubbers to choose standard or deluxe cabins. Standard cabins welcome guests with pillow-top double or twin-size beds, a massage showerhead, and old-fashioned manners (up to $129 a night). The deluxe cabins are decked with wall-to-wall windows, brass bathroom fixtures, and pillow-top queen- or king-size beds (up to $169 a night).
True to the period in which they were built—when there was no TV and the average American was 2-foot-7—the hotel’s vintage rooms are television-free and of a cozier size than those of many other overnight accomodatories, but guests can find anachronistic appeal as well as food and activities aplenty on board. Enjoy live music on the ship's wooden deck on certain evenings, or embark on a self-guided tour of the ship's steam technology and long but strangely mermaid-less history. Visitors can pogo up the grand staircase to the Texas Lounge, which mixes cocktails and live music, or visit Leila's Tea Room, where the staff serves high tea in period dress on Thursdays (beginning April 1), Fridays, and Saturdays. An overnight stay also includes a fast-breaking feast of pastries, bagels, seasonal fruits, juices, tea, and coffee.
The Delta Queen's amber-lit decks are located near downtown Chattanooga and North Shore shops and eateries. Guests can listen for the juicy gossip of the original steam whistle and calliope, traverse the historic south side of the Tennessee River, or head off to the nearby Tennessee Aquarium.