Only the most deserving species receive teeth, which explains the bare-mouthed lives of the morally dubious duck and hard-drinking turtle. Take advantage of your lofty station with today's deal: for $59, new patients get a comprehensive dental exam, teeth cleaning, fluoride treatment, x-rays, and a cosmetic consultation (a $369 value) at Distinctive Smiles of Dublin, which, as the name coyly suggests, is located in Dublin.

With today's Groupon carefully secured in a cheek pocket, make an appointment to have one of Distinctive Smiles' dashing dentists rove through your dental dungeon to destroy plaque with a comprehensive exam ($77) and radiance revealing x-ray ($105). During the routine check-up, a fluoride treatment ($39) and thorough teeth cleaning ($93) is performed to scrub down wily whites before sending them back onto the rink for another round of tonsil hockey. The professional grin inducers will also provide a cosmetic consultation ($55) to assuage bashful smirks and enlighten mouths with possible appearance improving procedures.

Years of wine drinking, cigarette smoking, and making out with espresso machines all contribute to staining teeth a few shades darker than they should be. A bright smile increases confidence, which in turn creates more smiles, sparking a viciously delightful cycle of feeling good. Sparkling teeth are a necessity for work in modeling, acting, and professional chewing, so there should be no shortage of motivation for taking advantage of today's deal.

Reviews

Although reviews are still growing for Distinctive Smiles of Dublin, clients rave about their services in online testimonials:

• The methods that are used were new to be but I am impressed. I feel like I am in great hands and that my concerns will be treated successfully.” – Gerald U.
• The staff, from the front desk to the hygienists, are always friendly and welcoming” – Mary B.