If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, then disheveled hair provides the least efficient route for climbing monkeys to reach the bananas in your fruit hat. Tame tresses for easy scaling with today's Groupon: for $99, you get a Global Keratin treatment at Dolce' Vita Salon & Spa in Wexford (a $250 value).

Similar to the system used to prepare a Snickers bar for interstellar travel, a Global Keratin treatment coats each shaft of hair in a nutrient-rich layer of protective protein goodness, eliminating frizz, grounding flyaways, and smoothing cuticles without the use of harsh chemicals. After restoring the keratin to vitality-sapped follicles, one of Dolce' Vita's experienced coiffurists then blow-dries and styles each customers' newly radiant locks, locking in the newfound sleekness and keeping it from taking up residence in a satin baby blanket. Treated hair soon regains strength and resiliency so that it can be washed, dried, and gilded without dulling damage, cutting down styling time and product demands in the process. The freshly frizz-free ruffs maintain their brilliance for up to five months, though customers should refrain from washing hair for at least 48 hours to allow strands to become properly acquainted with their new proteins.