Because schools no longer teach the difference between a dolphin's fin and a shark's fin, most people can't tell when they need to evacuate their bathtub. Boost your marine intelligence with today’s Groupon: for $69, you get one adult pass to a Captain’s Paradise BBQ Cruise from Dolphins and You (up to a $139 value). Dolphins and You provides transportation from hotels in Waikiki to the harbor and back, and all gear is included. Admission is $109 for children ages 3–12 and free to children 2 and under.

Dolphins and You's wave-wrangling staff acquaints seafarers with Honolulu’s resplendent scenery, rich culture, and flippered fauna on tours aboard its Mele Kai catamaran. The Captain’s Paradise BBQ Cruise departs from Waianae Harbor at 4 p.m., hugging the island’s verdant west coast until it plunks anchor near Makua Valley. There, the crew outfits wannabe amphibians with snorkeling gear in lieu of giant airtight hamster balls, priming them for a one-hour subaquatic jaunt past flourishing reefs and their tropical fish tenants. Turtles, dolphins, and other slippery wildlife frequent Makua’s coastline. Otherwise, bulk up whittling muscles by piloting a kayak or paddleboard, which grants oar-operators a surface view of the underwater landscape and mermaid bald spots. Please check Dolphins and You's list of required and recommended items before arrival.

Upon their return to the Mele Kai, retiring aquanauts find that the captain has personally prepared a buffet of Hawaiian seasoned steak, grilled local fresh fish, and kalua pig wontons according to chef Elmer Guzman's recommendations. Helpings of Okinawan yams, salad, homemade taro chips, and seasonal fruit ride the throat's water-slide in the company of two complimentary drinks, beer, or wine. As the sun sets and the boat steers back to the harbor around 7:30 p.m., the Mele Kai crew exhibits its myriad talents against a star-freckled backdrop, etching temporary Polynesian–style tattoos and performing hula dances, ukulele songs, and Tahitian drumming.