Keeping teeth clean and white is the first and only step in coping with the fact that your skeleton is slowly escaping from your body through your mouth. Deal with it with today's Groupon: for $139, you get a Zoom! advanced power-whitening treatment at Downtown Dental Studio (a $359 value).

Downtown Dental Studio's board-certified staff defeats dental woes and brightens smiles with a number of preventative and cosmetic services. The Zoom! advanced treatment whitens bite-bones up to thirteen shades, helping clients match their grins to the pristine fur of their pet mountain goats. A short preparation covers the lips and gums, leaving only the teeth exposed to the gentle powers of a Zoom! gel-and-light dynamic duo. The two products work together over the course of three 15-minute intervals to penetrate teeth and spread wicked rumors that break up stains and discoloration.