Without teeth, tongues would slither out of mouths and go on to lead unfulfilling lives catching raindrops and licking strangers' faces. Keep a stir-crazy taste-muscle contained in a gleaming cage with today's Groupon: for $125, you get your choice of an oral exam (a $450 value), Zoom! whitening treatment (a $450 value), or a veneers consultation (a $125 value) from Dr. Edward S. Lazer, located in Owings Mills.

Dr. Lazer and a highly trained team of dental virtuosos ameliorate grin-related inhibitions, providing a plethora of perfecting services. A scrupulous dental exam including x-rays, a full-mouth cleaning, and an oral-cancer screening ensures that your stomach's welcome mat is in top shape. Habitual smilers may opt to polish gum gems with a Zoom! teeth-whitening treatment, utilizing custom-shaped application trays and a one-hour in-office session to leave chompers six to eight shades lighter. Should mouths require new tiling, a veneers consultation outlines how porcelain frontispieces can be affixed to remedy chipped, stained, and crooked teeth. The consultation may include x-rays and a checkup, and, while the final price of veneers vary, Groupon holders will get a $1,000 discount off the procedure.

During visits to Dr. Lazer's warm-toned, high-tech office, clients are coddled with gentle, hospitable service and spa-like accoutrements. Ceiling-mounted flat-screen TVs occupy patients' once-bored eyes during procedures, and posttreatment hot towels steam away any lingering negative thoughts.