Studies show that a high percentage of Americans consider themselves overweight, and an even higher percentage believe they are being chased by Frankenstein's monster. Alter self-perceptions with today's Groupon: for $899, you get six Zerona body-slimming laser treatments from Dr. Ramon Gonzalez (a $1,800 value).
Over the course of six treatments, Dr. Ramon Gonzalez and his team of silhouette-sculpting specialists treat clients with FDA-cleared Zerona cold-laser technology, which has been featured on The Dr. Oz Show. Targeting the hips, the thighs, or the stomach, the noninvasive beams of brightness emulsify fatty deposits, allowing them to sneak out of the body alongside toxins and unfulfilled dreams of rodeo stardom. Patrons may notice a loss of up to 9 inches after the series of procedures, which are typically conducted over a two-week span. No recovery time is required, and like training for a tofu-eating contest, the procedure is most effective when paired with a healthy diet.
THE PATIENT AND ANY OTHER PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYMENT HAS A RIGHT TO REFUSE TO PAY, CANCEL PAYMENT, OR BE REIMBURSED FOR PAYMENT FOR ANY OTHER SERVICE, EXAMINATION, OR TREATMENT THAT IS PERFORMED AS A RESULT OF AND WITHIN 72 HOURS OF RESPONDING TO THE ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE FREE, DISCOUNTED FEE, OR REDUCED FEE SERVICE, EXAMINATION, OR TREATMENT.