Dirty clothes are traditionally worn only by grungy rock stars, mystical imaginary vagabonds, and royals pretending to be "regular people" for the purpose of understanding life outside castle walls. If you don't fit into one of these categories, pick up today's Groupon to Dry Clean Club: for $9, you get $29 worth of pick-up and delivery or in-store dry cleaning from the Santa Ana–based facility, which serves the entirety of Orange County. Check the map to discover which delivery route your address falls under, or simply take advantage of its walk-in offers.

Dry Clean Club is a GreenEarth cleaning affiliate, which enables members to stop worrying about destroying the Earth's environment and focus on destroying the tiny stain civilizations that colonize their finest garments. Dress shirts can be laundered for $1.75, and most dry cleaning services are under $4. Obliterate outposts of filthiness inhabiting pants, shirts, skirts, and sweaters for $4, or take on large specialty items such as sequined items and maxi-dresses for $5.25 and up. Winter coats, raincoats, overcoats, and other coats that aren't attached to an animal start at $11.25, whereas comforters are recomfortized starting at $28.

Before resparklifying dishwater-dull wares, clients must set up an account with the Dry Clean Club. There are no membership fees associated with an account, though a 7% environmental fee is charged to offset the cost of environmentally sound waste disposal (not included in the cost of the Groupon). Your Groupon's value need not be used all at once, so there's no need to stockpile soiled clothing or to intentionally spill red wine on everything you own in order to match the value. Arrange a convenient drop-off and pick-up, and launder your ill-gotten threads or legitimate pants with ease.