Although mental strength is a powerful tool, no one can wish open a jar of olives or telepathically lift a boulder off their toes after using it to try to smash open a jar of olives. Beefily complement brain brawn with today's Groupon: for $44, you get 30 days of boot camp at East Valley Bootcamp (up to a $99 value). Today's Groupon can be redeemed for classes in Chandler and Tempe. Participants must choose whether they'd like to attend morning sessions (available five days per week) or evening sessions (available four days per week), though all four-week sessions must begin at the start of a new month.

East Valley Bootcamp challenges exercisers with an ever-changing workout routine, centered around moves that are easily adaptable to all levels of fitness. Health-centric trainers whittle the widths of coed pupils over four weeks, instilling motivation through group camaraderie and staged readings of the wartime speeches from Winston Churchill. Each outdoor class presents a new routine, but aspiring athletes can expect to face a myriad of styles incorporated, including weight training, circuit training, stretching, and military-inspired drills. Designed to prevent the body from adapting to the workout, the varied regimen helps students plow through the plateaus and muscle-blocking mesas that plague other traditional exercise programs.

Ready to accommodate all ages and abilities, the trainers at East Valley Bootcamp vow to never push muscle-seekers too far, and fledgling exercisers will be given modifications of any workout that feels too tough. After one month of attending four to five classes per week, students can expect significant to dramatic shifts in their bodies, confidence, and feelings toward biker shorts. Past participants have reported benefits that include 5–10 pounds of fat loss, a boost in strength, revved up metabolism, and a statuesque posture that would make The Thinker pout with pensive, jealous stoicism.