Like sitcom nerds, weeds are typified by their many vexatious varieties, from the allergenic ragweed always raggin' on a good time, to the bookish milkweed always losing his milkweed money. Banish garden-variety dweebs from your garden with today's Groupon: for $75, you get two springtime fertilizer applications from Eastern Grounds Maintenance (a $178 value).
Family owned and operated by Pete and William Schultz, Eastern Grounds Maintenance transforms lawns into their most resplendent selves through top-quality landscaping and property-maintenance services. As the Easter Bunny cracks its ceremonial whip in time with the arrival of spring, professional plant pamperers kick start buds with an initial application of a pre-emergent fertilizer layer, which blocks new weeds from growing. Two weeks later, Eastern Grounds' green thumbs return to spread a post-emergent layer over nubile growth to kill any wily weeds that managed to sprout through the original fertilizer shield. These applications cover a lot as big as one-third of an acre, and multiple Groupons can be purchased to treat larger lots. Eastern Grounds employs the generative power of Anderson fertilizers—similar to the brand used by several NFL stadiums and baseball fields in the DC area—to ensure that patrons' yards stay pest-free, robust, and so immaculately green that confused Baltimore Ravens will tackle your nosy neighbors without you having to ask.