Isaac Newton discovered gravity not when cranially assaulted by a falling apple, but upon noticing his sagging jowls while examining the forehead bruise in the mirror. Help reverse the Newtonian burden with today's Groupon: for $159, you get 20 units of Botox at Elite Weight Loss (a $320 value).
Elite Weight Loss's staff beautifies patients' mugs and pummels signs of aging with nonsurgical cosmetic treatments. Cultivate a youthful façade without donning pigtails and footie pajamas during a half-hour Botox Cosmetic injection treatment, conducted by a licensed nurse practitioner, RN, or MD. Botox Cosmetic aims to temporarily reduce the appearance of frown lines, crow's feet, and wrinkles by permeating tense facial muscles with a contraction-stopping formula. A syringe wielder injects dastardly creases with an ultra-fine needle, and patients can request a local anesthetic to further minimize discomfort. Results typically manifest within 3–5 days, and newly invigorated visages can maintain their smoothness for up to six months—long enough to impress employers during job hunts or to successfully infiltrate and win a fifth-grade spelling bee.
Thinique Medical Weight Loss
In this friendly office, a team of nurse practitioners, medical aestheticians, and certified medical assistants specializes in medically designed weight-loss programs, which augment wholesome diets and exercise with medicinal aids, such as vitamin injections and prescription appetite suppressants. Staffers also train in nonsurgical cosmetic treatments, such as Botox, Juvéderm, and clown-nose application.
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