Fast your sweet tooth and stock up on unexpired milk in preparation for today’s Groupon: a dozen brownies (a $35 value) including shipping (a $14 value) from Embrace Sweets for $22. These decadent morsels were recently featured as Rachael Ray’s Snack of the Day and were voted one of the Top Five Brownies in America by CHOW in 2006.
Choose from nine different kinds of dark magic squares. The triple-chocolate chunk is the closest to standard you’ll find, and even that is three times the power of a normal brownie. Chocolaty hybrids include chocolate raspberry; peanut-butter blitz; brownies with walnuts, toffee, or pecans; and the tropical blend featuring coconut and macadamias. It also offers blondies, which are brownies built on chocolate-less bases: one has chocolate chips, the other is infused with pockets of peanut butter and craisins. You’ll get 12 full-sized, moist, and chewy cubes of one variety of your choosing. If you can't settle on one brownie taste, select the assorted variety option for a hodgepodge of chocolateyness.
It's no secret that the best things in life start out as larger rectangles that become smaller rectangles, like computer screens turning into iPhones, the Mona Lisa being cut up and divided as souvenirs, or brownie sheets becoming individual brownies. Brownies make great house-warming presents to yourself; if neighbors never welcomed you with bowls of twice-baked lasagna and cups of alfredo sauce, order a dozen treats and have them delivered straight to your mouth. You can also hook up your cocoa-dependent friend by having your dozen shipped to them.
We’ve all been there. Your roommate just made a delicious tray of hot brownies, cooling on the stove with chocolatey wafts of fresh-baked browniessence. You’ve already purchased the scrumptious brownies from Embrace Sweets and they’re urgently on the way. But should you eat your roommate’s brownies in the meantime?
Yes. While the brownies from Embrace Sweets are on their way, whet your appetite for angular cocoa by packing away your roommate’s tray of brownies while they’re still warm.
But couldn’t I just wait patiently, and warm up my brownies when they arrive?
You should do that too. But these brownies are here, right under your nose, right now, and your roommate, and all associated consequences, won’t be home for more than 20 minutes.
But didn’t my roommate say that these were charity bake-sale brownies for the Boys and Girl’s Recycling and Literacy Drive?
Your roommate is lying to you. We saw clippings in their room from Fascist Dictators magazine and they are planning to send these brownies to foreign despots to aid in their oppression of townsfolk and the senseless extermination of innocent flowers.
That traitorous ghoul! I should eat these brownies!
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