Jump to: Sock it To Me!
Get your fitness in shape with today’s deal: $19 for $40 worth of gear and services from the gurus at Endurance Sports and Rec. Your Groupon is good for anything in the store, including various sports-analysis services, which might finally settle your lifelong suspicion that you are actually a volleyball. Endurance is located about 23 miles from the heart of Nashville, a perfect marathon-training distance, and offers performance enhancement without the controversy and giant heads.
Your Groupon can go a long way with the shop’s merchandise selections. All women’s running shorts are $40; men’s shorts have the same starting line, but a $50 finishing line. Pick up a pair of action-ready Tifosi sunglasses for $60 or 2.5 pounds of Muscle Milk for $45. If you need help, owners Dan and Craig will be happy to assist in recommending top gear for your situation when they aren’t busy qualifying for the Olympics, competing in triathlons, or nursing sick seahorses back to health. Their fitness expertise can help improve any athlete’s performance, and their gear will get the most dedicated non-exerciser ready for a fitness up-level.
Everyone knows how to run and swim, except for know-nothing whales. But few know the esoteric techniques of running and swimming properly. Exercising correct form while exerting yourself is critical for achieving maximum performance and minimizing injury threat. Unless you’re some sort of Lord Greystroke, the analysis services offered at Endurance Sports and Rec are an extremely useful tool, benefitting athletes from the casual to the hardcore. Go over your own moves with an attention to detail usually reserved for the Zapruder film.
Bikers can take advantage of the bike-fit services, which involve customizing your bike to perfectly fit your body and musical tastes; a precisely customized bike greatly improves comfort and efficiency. Gazelles can make strides in their gaits with a full run analysis ($39). An intensely trained and certified trainer will conduct your analysis, which involves a series of videotaped running tests under different conditions from different angles. The footage is then run through specialized software for analysis, conclusively proving that there was a second gunman.
Endurance is also one of the few places in the country that offers video swim-stroke analysis ($200). Co-owner Dan Powell was once in charge of analyzing the form of swimmers from the U.S. national team, so he might know a thing or two hundred about this. The tests aim to improve efficiency and technique and take place over two sessions; video, still captures, albino pet dolphin, and written expert analysis are all included in the price.
Sock It To Me!
Obviously, your first inclination is going to be to spend this entire Groupon on high-tech, sweat-wicking athletic socks, as crisp and white out of the package as a red-carpet smile. But what about your old socks? For you sports fans out there, we recommend checking out this transcript from the only all-puppet sports show, Killswitch & The Ringer. All you need is some yarn, button eyes, a video camera, and a complete lack of self-awareness to turn those old socks into the high-octane all-puppet sports commentary Americans crave:
(TV Studio - Killswitch and The Ringer sit behind desk.)
Killswitch: Call me crazy, The Ringer, but I think Dallas looks pretty good this season.
The Ringer: That’s funny, so did your beloved relative on our amicable date last night!
(Shared laughter at Killswitch’s expense.)
Killswitch: But seriously, with Kevandra Mathers finally off the bench after his elective knee surgery, 2007 looks like the year they finally bring home the coveted We Are Marshall Cup. What do you think, The Ringer?
The Ringer: Well, I–
(At this point in the program, one of The Ringer’s hastily sewn eyes slips off of his face and lands neatly in his coffee mug.)
(Pause. Cameraman’s hands become noticeably shaky.)
The Ringer: AAAAA–Four solid minutes of screaming
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