Studies show that a high percentage of Americans consider themselves overweight, and an even higher percentage believe they are being chased by Frankenstein's monster. Alter self-perceptions with today's Groupon: for $749, you get six sessions of Zerona Laser treatments at Diamanté Day Spa & Salon, a satellite location of Florida Complete Wellness, located on Southeast 17th Street (a $1,499 value). All six sessions must be performed on the same treatment area.

The Zerona advanced laser treatments may help melt away inches and shape the body's often-unpredictable topography. Using the Erchonia laser scanner, this non-invasive therapy is designed to target fat cells beneath skin without the painful incisions, lengthy recovery periods, and anesthesia-induced confessions of tax evasion common in traditional liposuction. During the approximately one-hour sessions, clients rest as a trained technician guides the laser over a chosen treatment area such as the waist, hips, thighs, or arms. The liquefied fatty deposits should seep from their homes on love handles and underarm wings and may be tossed from the body's VIP room by natural detoxification bouncers.

Each session is followed by a 15-minute massage treatment designed to stimulate the lymphatic system and meant to ensure that all the fatty tissues flush away peacefully without the need for eviction notices. Measurements are taken before and after treatment so customers are apprised of any results. Florida Wellness Center has reported losses between 2–12 inches in three weeks. For best results, Florida Complete Wellness suggests customers use all six sessions within two weeks, letting no more than 48 hours pass between one session and the next.