Today's side deal pops the hood on your sputtering, squeaking home computer and gets it hummingly healthy again in no time. For $29, you get a spring computer cleaning from Frankie on Call (a $149 value). Because Steve Jobs personally cleans each Mac every second Tuesday of the month, this deal is only valid for PCs. If your PC should, for whatever reason, require a visit to the shop, Frankie provides free loaner laptops and a two-business-day turnaround. Frankie on Call can serve anyone within a 15-mile radius of 718 West 85th Street.

Frankie's squad of amiable, experienced technicians will arrive at your front door at the scheduled time and rush to the side of your PC, gauze, defibrillator paddles, and 150 ccs of adrenaline at the ready. They'll check your system security, surgically remove hard-drive-hogging temp files, update all your software, flush out spyware and viruses, and affirm that your machine's speed and reflexes are top-notch using a rubber hammer. Time permitting, they will also test your computer for artificial intelligence with a Turing test.

A cleaned-out, spiffed-up PC will run dramatically faster and more smoothly. It will also be more cordial and friendly, so don't be surprised if that wallpaper of a middle finger finally vanishes and Word stops changing everything you type into highly personal insults of your mother. Call ahead to schedule your cleaning with Frankie on Call.

Reviews

Though online reviews are scarce, the testimonials on Frankie on Call's website speak volumes:

• My production speed has increased easily 30%. – Terry Blake, Mid America Kidney Stone Association
• Frankie has solved all of my computer problems, and helped me to grow my business without the cost of a full time IT manager. – Marshall Blount, Upjohn Blount Real Estate
• Frankie configured my desktop to my skill level which makes my time fun and productive. – Mary Temple, City Controller, Kansas City, MO