What You'll Get
Contrary to popular belief, the human skeleton is bonded by more than hooked muscle-tentacles and peanut butter-based cement. Foster connective comfort with today's Groupon: for $39, you get an initial chiropractic exam and a 30-minute massage at Genesis Medical Center (a $125 value).
The board-certified doctors at Genesis Medical Center soothe skeletons by incorporating natural methods of treatment and respecting the self-healing ability of the human body. Neuro-musculoskeletal pain flees after an initial 30–45 minute chiropractic exam that demonstrates how spines distinguish humans from preop flatworms awaiting vertebrae implants. Licensed chiropractic specialists get to the root of the problem rather than simply treating pesky symptom branches. Therapists knead away achy nuisances with a therapeutic 30-minute massage that releases tension, pummels pain, and frees the mind from the perpetual jabber of Cabbage Patch Dolls that dominate the stream of human consciousness. Patients leave with better posture and more aerodynamic skeletons.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Aug 23, 2011. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy multiple as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. By appointment only. Must be 18 or older or be accompanied by guardian. Upgrade available for additional fee. Must use in 1 visit. Gratuity not included. Not valid with other offers. Tax included. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.