For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Be pounded into the shape of relaxation with today's Groupon: for $35, you get a 60-minute relaxation massage (a $70 value) at Get In Touch in Blue Ash.
Captained by Linda Suedkamp, a licensed practitioner and graduate of the Cincinnati School of Medical Massage, Get in Touch treats tense patrons to soothing music, relaxed lighting, and heated massage tables during each customized coddling session. Each relaxation massage starts with a brief consultation to determine the patient's particular areas of stress and to gage their personal comfort level with both massage and smooth jazz. Once preferences have been dictated, the kneadathon begins, combining customized attention with encyclopedic expertise to locate and relieve the areas with the greatest amount of tension. Each session lasts for an hour, allowing the therapist to put time and care into all areas of concern while undoing approximately one-third of the stress caused by listening to Gilbert Godfrey’s narration of Doctor Zhivago.
During the massage, overworked sinews and forgotten thews release accumulated lactic acid and other spasm-inducing waste products. This can lead to a whole host of health benefits, including lower blood pressure, improved range of motion, and imbuing skin with the flavor of freshly churned butter. Although not covered by today’s Groupon, curious minds piqued by alternative healing philosophies might also enjoy discussing Get In Touch’s healing touch sessions and other rejuvenating services.