Drag-boat racing is the maritime equivalent to car drag racing, much like the stomach of a whale is the maritime equivalent to a trashcan. Compare and contrast with today’s deal to see the Fort Worth Nationals 2011 Professional Drag Boat Racing at Marine Creek Lake. Kids younger than 12 get in for free. Saturday’s qualifying races start at 8 a.m. and end at 5 p.m. Sunday’s eliminations and finals start at 10 a.m. and end at 5 p.m., with an awards ceremony from 6 p.m. to 7 p.m. Choose between the following options:

• For $24, you get two general-admission one-day passes, good for your choice of Saturday, September 17 or Sunday, September 18 (a $48 value).
• For $39, you get two general-admission two-day passes, good for both the qualifying races on Saturday, September 17 and the race finals on Sunday, September 18 (a $78 value).

One of the nations’ premier drag boat races, the Fort Worth Nationals pit a string of specially designed top-fuel hydro boats against each other in a series of high-speed quarter-mile heats. The weekend is sanctioned by the behemoth architects of the Southern Drag Boat Association (SBDA) and attracts more than 100 racing teams to its scenic, wind-breaking wave-tracks, as super-schooners hydroplane across waters without splashing walruses in spectators’ eyes. Unlike traditional car drag racing, boats begin at a crawl before gunning their engines to toupee-toppling speeds of up to 250 miles per hour, nearly half the speed of light. Over the two-day event, 11 classes compete, with a mix of Top Fuel boats and personal watercraft striving for the prize. The scenic terrain surrounding Marine Creek Lake provides the thousands of estimated attendees with a close-up and protected view, reducing mass levels of squinting and dropped monocles.