Yellow teeth indicate an addiction to smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, or swishing with butter. Undo unsightly dairy habits with today's Groupon: for $149, you get a 60-minute in-office teeth-whitening treatment at Goochland Dentistry in Manakin-Sabot (a $420 value).
During 60-minute in-office sessions, Dr. Murchie and his skilled hygienists paint each individual chomper in Opalescence Boost teeth-whitening solutions just as Tom Sawyer once adorned fences with a light coat of white-out. The potion's bleach chemically reacts with toothy exteriors, eradicating stains from tarnished teeth without the use of ultraviolet rays or laser moonbeams. Once mouth bones have been freed of the incriminating evidence of wine, coffee, or tobacco consumption, solutions are purged from mouths to reveal smiles that have been whitened as dramatically as a frightened ghost.