Pizza, much like the earth, is circular, flat, and supports the existence of Karl Malone. Lean into structurally sound meals with today's Groupon: for $15, you get $30 worth of pizzeria fare at Grand Slam Pizza, with three area locations.

Grand Slam Pizza's resident dough designers crown pies with 17 assorted toppings before baking them into bubbling, cheesy teething toys. Diners can thumb through the menu to test it for potential scratch-and-sniff capabilities and to select one of many specialty pizzas, such as the bacon cheeseburger, a delectable combination of crumbled hamburger, bacon, and mozzarella cheese (16", $14.99). Diners can also craft their own pies (16", $9.99) by mixing toppings ($1.25 each) as diverse as ham, black or green olives, sausage, and mushrooms. An order of 10 hot wings ($5.99) offers warmth to tongues cold from cleaning the freezer, and cinnamon stix with icing ($3.99) ensure that meals end as sweetly as a collision with an ice-cream truck.