Eyelashes developed as a defense mechanism against eye lashes, a common ancient punishment performed with a rudimentary eyelash curler made of old swords. Extend your ocular gatekeepers with today's Groupon: for $32, you get a three-month supply of GrandeLash-MD eyelash enhancer (a $59.95 value) and shipping (a $2 value) from GrandeNaturals, LLC (a $61.95 total value).

GrandeNaturals, LLC crafts its eponymous prettification product to promote longer eyelashes and fuller eyebrows. Applied like liquid eyeliner for three months, the tonic can lengthen and thicken lashes and brows until they resemble palm fronds, wafting cool breezes with warm reception every time you blink. The first results are usually visible in 3–10 weeks, depending on age and third-eyeball placement, at which point each lash blown from the fingertips counts for two wishes.

GrandeLash-MD also prevents eyelash breakage and helps repair existing damage to eyelashes by helping them grow back over time. After three months, the elixir can be continued and administered every other day to maintain results.