Without their hair, little girls could only braid pretzel dough, and concertgoers would be forced to vigorously shake mop heads during heavy-metal performances. Keep hair in your world with today's Groupon: for $99, you get 15 low-level laser hair restoration treatments at Hans Wiemann in Creve Coeur (a $975 value).

The mane magicians at Hans Wiemann have bestowed hair-restoration techniques on follicle-challenged headscapes for half a century, offering escapist locks the strength needed to stay. During each 15- to 30-minute session, a specialist wields cool, low-level lasers to stimulate the scalps of men and women, potentially thickening the hair shaft, promoting growth, and garnering the confidence necessary to leave the house sans Viking helmet. After a hair and scalp analysis determines whether treatment is a viable option, pulsating, heat-free lasers sweep over the scalp, helping to increase blood supply and to prompt hair follicles to heal damaged cells and possibly produce stronger, thicker head-noodles.

Hans Wiemann's laser treatment offers a painless alternative to hair-transplant surgery and hair-loss medication. If hair-transplant surgery has already occurred, the lasers can help strengthen the transported hair, stopping disoriented locks from trying to play the role of mutton chops in Civil War reenactments.