Prior to dentists, humans were forced to shine their own teeth with fleets of flea-driven miniature Zambonis. Pursue a glowing oral outlook without the hassle of training insects with today's Groupon: for $149, you get a teeth-whitening treatment (either Zoom! or a laser whitening treatment) from a member of the Heartland Dental Care family of practices (up to a $450 value, Zoom! whitening availability varies by location). Redeem your Groupon at one of 19 locations in the St. Louis area.

Heartland Dental Care's member practices pursue a patient-centric approach to keeping teeth blinding-white and bite-ready. Start off treatment with an initial exam to check teeth, gums, and cheeks for general health. Zoom! whitening, available at select locations, applies a gel and gentle light to teeth to break up stains and discoloration. The gel is applied in three 15-minute sessions, allowing recipients time to doze, read a magazine, or solve a Rubik’s cube in their head. Other brands, available at all sites, laugh in the face of wimpy whitening toothpastes as they employ a safe, effective laser to wipe away dental stains and produce dazzling smiles. Superb for news anchors and Cheshire Cat impersonators, rebuffed teeth provide everything a mouth needs to preserve its reputation of being the most reflective place for sunbeams.