Carpets, like dogs, often hide under the dining-room table and let out audible whimpers when threatened with bath time. Make your carpets howl like the beasts they are with today's Groupon: for $65, you get a carpet cleaning from Heaven's Best Carpet Cleaning (a $130 value). This Groupon is valid for up to three rooms and one hallway.

Heaven's Best will cleanse chambers of blotches from baseboard to baseboard under the sure-handed care of unstoppable stain eliminators sent from the future to eliminate dirt, leaving customers free to monitor houseplants and make sure they produce oxygen instead of voice-altering hydro-gases. Treatments start with a dry vacuuming to clear planes of loose debris before using a mild cleaning solution to release stains locked onto fibrous strands via a fiber-flogging carpet buffer. The floor-flushing machinery then removes the liberated loam with a low-moisture method that allows carpets to dry in less than an hour.

Specialists finish all turf transformations by grooming rugs with a scent-shedding deodorizer, and then they'll rearrange all moved furniture to maximize celebratory break-dancing floor space. All Heaven's Best house hose-downs are backed with a 100% satisfaction guarantee.