Choosing pizza toppings is a lot like being married: if there is an irreconcilable disagreement, both parties take half. Grab a piece of the pie with today’s Groupon: for $17, you get two double-size (12.5”) standard, gourmet, or vegetarian pizzas (up to a $35.84 value) for carryout at Hell Pizza in North Vancouver.

Ever since its first pie issued forth from the oven-bound infernos of New Zealand in 1996, the netherworld-themed pizzeria’s primarily kiwi doughsmiths have conjured hand-cut ingredients and special-recipe tomato base onto a whole-wheat Dantean circle and tormented them into gourmet pizzas. Among the standard menu's multitude of sins, only Envy makes eyes wish they were stomachs with its hearty conference of ham, salami, pineapple, bacon, onions, and mushrooms. The Mordor dots its smoky barbecue wasteland with pepperoni, bacon, chicken, onions, green peppers, and carelessly handled magic rings, and the Pandemonium smothers chicken and camembert beneath its piquant currents of cranberry sauce. Herds of smoked salmon and spring onion roam the cream cheese fields of the Serpent, best served with tosses of capers and avocado. Herbivores, however, can work off minor misdeeds—such as rhyming the word "together" with "forever"—with the Purgatory's fresh spinach, feta, garlic, sun-dried tomatoes, and mushrooms.

Each eldritch edible entity on Hell Pizza's menu can be summoned into our reality by making a carryout incantation online. Hell's pizzas run between $13 and $17.