The vertebral column consists of four separate regions, all of which are secretly conspiring to invade and overthrow the others, to painful effect. Put an end to civil back wars with today's Groupon: for $39, you get a postural screening, a health questionnaire analysis, and a 30-minute massage or reflexology session (up to an $87 value) at Helping Hands Chiropractic, located on Baseline Road in Boulder.

In order to tailor your massage to your needs, the experienced staff at Helping Hands Chiropractic—which includes two Doctors of Chiropractic, Dr. Heather Meinke and Dr. Nicholas Smith—will begin by examining your posture from front to back and side to side. As they do, they'll seek out structural imbalances by comparing the body's landmarks, then take pictures of themselves jumping in front of those landmarks before making the necessary adjustments. They'll also analyze and interpret your responses to a detailed health questionnaire, breaking down the cause of your symptoms into easily understood layman lingo. Once they've pinpointed your pain points, you'll be free to choose between a restorative, stress-freeing massage or a reflexology session—an alternative practice that involves applying pressure to particular parts of the feet that correlate with other specific body parts. Reflexology can be used to help heal internal organs, muscles, and heads that have overdosed on ice cream. Both treatments take 30 minutes and are administered by a licensed massage therapist. The postural exam and questionnaire analysis take about an hour. All services must be redeemed in one visit.

Helping Hands Chiropractic is a relaxed environment in which experienced professionals send conditions such as sciatica, scoliosis, arthritis, headaches, and strains into an eternal time-out without dessert. Call to make an appointment.