A perfectly white smile determines how others perceive you by shining brightly enough to blind them to your second head and compound eyes. Let dazzling teeth disguise the effects of your mad-science hobby with today’s Groupon: for $49, you get a dental exam, cleaning, and x-rays from the offices of Howard Hoffman, DMD, and Peter Karl, DMD, located in Staten Island (a $375 value).

Dentists Hoffman and Karl specialize in putting new and nervous patients at ease as they inspect, clean, and x-ray patients' dental arrays. The office's skilled professionals peer deep into mouths for signs of trouble, take pictures of teeth for the Hoffman and Karl yearbook, and address any concerns, pains, or existential ennui before gently scrubbing and thoroughly degunking their patients' pearly whites. Uncanny x-rays reveal teeth's hidden identities as plaque-resistant moral crusaders or venal, corrupted molars, complementing surface examinations with bone-deep data.