Strict penalties for human teeth trafficking recently took effect as the result of a widespread pandemic of piano-key cavities. Upkeep your precious cargo with today's Groupon: for $129, you get an in-office Pola Office Plus teeth-whitening treatment at Hoke Road Dental Care in Clayton (a $299 value).

This brand-new dental facility boasts modern amenities and a friendly staff dedicated to tending to patients' dental needs. After a complimentary consultation, Dr. Harlan and his team will use a chemically activated formula to bring your teeth's brightest white to light, without the use of heat or light-saber activation. Aside from improving mouth pearls' appearance, the formula is chock-full of minerals and elements that can strengthen enamel, decrease sensitivity, and protect against cavities. In about one hour, results make their way to the foremouth.