While secret societies have terrific members-only benefits, their gorilla-centric initiation rites are often illegal. Make a solemn fitness vow that's legal with today's Groupon: for $39, you get a Hypoxi method fitness experience at Hypoxi Studio Ballantyne (a $175 value) on North Community House Road.
Employing a program developed in Austria, the Hypoxi Studio Ballantyne—one of three of its kind in the United States—provides body-shaping fitness sessions with medically designed exercise equipment. Recline peacefully during a 20-minute Hypoxi-Dermology session, where skin gets massaged and trained into smooth, supple submission (a $45 value). Gentle touch stimulates metabolic rates and helps break down toxins, allowing the lymphatic and circulatory systems a much-needed date-night out. Newly-motivated muscles can leap toward a 30-minute session on one of three patented Hypoxi fitness machines (a $70 value), including the flab flummoxing Trainer S120 and L250, along with the tub-targeting Vacunaut, apply suction and compression to slim legs and flatten abs. Finally, a Hypoxi therapist performs a body analysis before structuring an individualized therapy and nutrition plan (a $60 value) to ensure a fitness regimen as consistent as Old West train schedules.
Hypoxi's studios are airy, clean, and modern, and they are attended by expert staff to help clients achieve the slim, trim physique that turns heads and shimmies easily into abandoned airshafts. Call to schedule an appointment.