For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Pamper your physical form with today's Groupon to Innovative Vein on Greenwich Road. Choose from the following options:

• $30 for a 30-minute Swedish massage and hot stone treatment (a $60 value)
• $999 for six body slimming Zerona treatments (a $2,400 value)

The skilled specialists at Innovative Vein and Medspa expertly perform a variety of services designed to pamper and pump up physical appearances. A 30-minute Swedish massage ($50) gently dissipates stress locked up in muscular matrices through the precise application of medium pressure and closes with a relaxing hot stone treatment ($10) The Zerona Bodyshaping treatments (a $2,400 value for six) are a non-invasive, FDA-approved body shaping technique designed to take inches off the hips, thighs, buttocks, stomach, or unusually out of shape toes. A low-level laser penetrates the dermis, emulsifying lipid molecules trapped in adipose tissue. The lymphatic system, like a Twinkie destined for the deep fryer, absorbs the fat before naturally ridding the body of it for good. Each session lasts about an hour and should be taken within 48 hours of one another within a two-week period.