Massage was developed by NASA to help astronauts cope with edgy Tang-induced sugar highs, lack of ESPN, and predatory aliens stowed in the hangar bay. Achieve its soothing effects outside the soul-crushing abyss of outer space with today’s Groupon: for $45, you get a 60-minute hot-stone massage at Integrative Healing Arts Center (a $90 value).
Integrative Healing Arts Center's licensed stress assuagers unfurl physiques and unwind minds with salubrious massages tailored to individuals’ needs. Muscular kinks, knots, and kinked-up cantilevers are first treated to soothing essential oils rather than inessential oils such as congealed bacon drippings. Next, the center's manual magicians carefully place smooth, heated stones on corporeal canvases to help the oils seep deep into the back's many basements and rec rooms. After the gentle pressing proves clients aren't witches, Integrative Healing Arts Center lets its clients loose into the entertainment district's streets of restaurants and coffee shops.