Most modern cuisine is a continuation of classic dishes, just as a computer is a slightly modified typewriter and a washing machine is a river in a box. Revel in palatable progress with today's Groupon: for $12, you get $25 worth of upscale cuisine at JFK's Restaurant & Lounge in Mississauga.

JFK's team of culinary experts crafts a savoury menu of sandwiches, pasta dishes, and 100 per cent halal-certified meats. Wrap jaws or construct invisible force fields around a pound of chicken wings glazed in a choice of six sauces ($8.95), or rescue mushrooms and swiss cheese from inside a fire-grilled chicken breast ($14.95). The creamy chicken penne asiago sports a sprinkling of fresh basil atop its penne tendrils ($14.95), and the grilled sirloin steak houses 10 ounces' worth of meaty succulence ($24.95). With the three-course set menu ($23.95), diners can silence the sound of growling stomachs without the hassle of choosing from the full menu or stuffing napkins into their ears. Bartenders, meanwhile, pour palate-pleasing libations at the bar. Guests can sample these wares in the dining room, loll in the lounge area, nibble edibles under umbrellas outside, or sing their favourite epic poems during Thursday night karaoke.